How many times has a key decision maker turned a request of yours down? If it's too many to count, then listen up. It could be that you're not planning for why the decision maker would say no and then adjusting your pitch to make sure the "no" becomes a non-issue.
Think about why you say no to people when their seemingly rock-solid requests fall flat. It's likely because a specific need or concern of yours isn't being addressed in the proposal and because of that there's no immediate motivation for you to give them the "yes" that they're hoping for. The same holds for when you're influencing others. So when you take the time to ask yourself, "Why would XX say no?" and then adjust your influence proposal relative to that, you enter the realm of master influencer.
Here are the 10 top reasons why decision makers reject requests and each one can be an influence showstopper. This isn't a Dave Letterman list, though, where #1 is primary. They're all important.
1: They don't feel the pain. Does your proposal relieve a burden, solve a problem, or improve a difficult situation for the decision maker or for others in their organization? And does that decision maker care enough about relieving that pain to say yes to what you're asking? Decision makers are more likely to agree to spend time, energy, and money on proposals that are aimed at solving an immediate and pressing problem, issue or situation.
2: The focus is just on you. One mistake many influencers make is they focus their influence proposal on their own needs only and not the needs of the decision maker. If your proposal is aimed at removing pain only for you, recast it so that it speaks to a problem or burden that will be relieved for the decision maker or the organization instead.
3: The end result isn't clear. You're not specific enough about what the positive end result will be. Along with citing the pain and how your solution will remove or reduce it for the decision maker, you must also be specific about what the positive end result will be.
4: The business need isn't apparent. Your influence proposal isn't linked to an obvious business need or the back-up data supporting that business need may be absent. For those influence situations where an obvious business need exists, link your influence proposal to it. Include back-up data relevant to that business requirement.
5: It's not their top priority. Just because you have evidence indicating that something is a business imperative doesn't mean that it will leap to the top of anyone else's priority list. Priority setting or resetting is generally a strategic influence initiative that requires a multi-phased influence plan that includes help from key opinion leaders to sway the decision makers. If you're not getting people lined up to help you get tough proposals through, start doing that now.
6: They don't want to lose. Some decision makers say no because they believe they will lose something such as control, power, status, resources, etc. by agreeing to what you're asking of them. Where a decision maker's need is to maintain or even gain more of what they don't want to lose, they are more likely to say yes when your proposal shows that no loss will take place.
7: There's too much risk involved. When what you're asking carries a high risk to the decision makers or their organization, you can expect to be turned down. Here's what decision makers might say. "This is an excellent idea, but if we throw our resources behind it, we'll risk falling behind on our own deliverables." Or, "There's no guarantee that your proposal will work." Or, "The last time we did something like this, it failed miserably and we looked like fools." Make sure your proposal comes with a convincingly solid plan, backed by important others and supported by data and facts that all but eliminate the perceived risks.
8: You're not willing to reciprocate. There are those who expect reciprocity no matter what you're asking them to do, while others simply appreciate an exchange when it's offered. In the first instance, the decision maker may be the type who has a requirement, spoken or not, that you offer something in return whether what you're asking of them is big or small. In the second instance, there is no expectation of exchange, but offering something in return may be welcomed and appreciated. Your being aware of the reciprocity factor is what's essential. When you want someone to do something for you, you must be willing to do something for them in return, possibly of equal or greater value, even if they never ask you to.
9: They lack confidence or trust in you. When you, your predecessor, your team, or your department have not met a decision maker's expectations in the past, or when a decision maker isn't convinced that you can meet their expectations now, you have your influence work cut out for you. In these situations your influence plan should include ways that bolster the decision maker's assurance that you can deliver. Be prepared to show proof of your track record, and come in with a solid, well-planned-out process for achieving the result. To put yourself in an even better position, ask one or two highly-respected opinion leaders to vouch for your work.
10: They've got a personal agenda. You put together a strategic influence plan that had support from opinion leaders. Your presentation covered areas important to the decision maker. You did an outstanding job walking the decision maker through each step of your proposal. Yet you were turned down. Why? It's quite possible that there is a personal agenda that you will never know about. For some decision makers a main driver is to get their own needs met. And while a business need also is important, if your proposal isn't in line with the decision maker's personal agenda you will be turned down. Whenever you can, find out what's most important to the decision maker and focus your proposal on satisfying that need.
A few minutes of thinking ahead goes a long way. Before you go off to influence anyone keep in mind what I suggested above. Ask yourself, "Why would this decision maker say no?" and get your answers to their concerns ready in advance.
His suggestion? Make a short list of people we're grateful to/for and get a plan together for how to let them know.
Anne Kreamer, in her brief yet content-rich HBR blog discusses workplace gender differences from a neuroscience/emotional intelligence perspective. Refreshing and far more advanced than the old John Gray Mars-Venus divide which I found rather simplistic and narrow. 
